Relationships Are Unavoidable Human Needs
Relationships are part of our DNA as humans, they are like pillars of our lives. We all strive for a real connection. We all need good relationships that can nourish our emotional and physical needs. Having relationships are unavoidable needs. And we cannot have good relationships if we don’t nourish it or grow it. Also even though relationships are very important and unavoidable, every relationship is not the same. People can be the wind beneath our wings or the anchor on our boat.
Something we have to take note of is that it is not every relationship that is healthy for us. In most cases, the type of relationships and its purpose will determine the amount of time and attention it deserves to put in it. For instance, if you think of the kinds of relationships you have in your personal, business, and with others, you will find out that all of them do not receive the same amount of time and attention for their maintenance. Do all your relationships require the same amount of time and energy to keep? We all value our close friends because they are valuable to us. Therefore, we try to communicate with them regularly and motivate each other.
Good Relationships Are Made And Not Born
Relationships are cultivated and watered to grow. It doesn’t happen overnight. Relationships require investing time, and efforts to nourish and make it work. Social distancing in the house or within the house is not recommended, unless as a result of COVID-19. It is common to see that anything we treasure, we are willing to invest in it. In this case, I believe the most valuable relationships suppose to be with our spouses. And this is where the greatest challenge and the greatest attention need to be paid. I heard this joke some years back at a wedding, “that a marriage is made in heaven but the maintenance must be done here on earth” Lol! Even though it was said to be a joke, but there is a sense in it.
So you see, marriage relationship that will be healthy and happy requires time and devoted effort by both parties to build it on a strong foundation of mutual trust and love. And it involves communication and commitment. If you want to enjoy healthy purposeful relationships benefits, you need to start investing time and effort into your relationships, more so your family. Provide care and love to important relationships in your life. The quality of our relationships inside out will determine the quality of our oval happiness. There are no two ways about this. The kind of quality relationships we share with other people is what enriches the quality of our lives. A good marriage relationship is the foundation of a good family experience.
There are different kinds of relationships, and each has its purpose and duration, but it is our responsibility to know the purpose and build the relationship to fulfill that purpose. For instance, say your relationship with your boss or supervisor at your job is for the purpose of the job you do, once the job is over either by relocation or by quitting the relationship will automatically be over unless there is another reconnection in the future.
Our durable or permanent relationships are build on love and trust with our spouse, friends and family.
We, humans, are social beings. That’s why we crave relationships; our needs for connections, associations, gatherings, interactions, communication, and sharing of ideas. We share our feelings whether negative or positive because we have the unavoidable need of relating, connecting with others because it is an unavoidable need. That’s why the effects of the Covid-19 Pandemic has been very devastating in so many ways, even though it has equally benefited some businesses. It has been devastating because of how far it has restricted our social connections. We all have the unavoidable need to connect to people. We share the need to connect with family members, far and near, connect to our jobs, our schools, faith communities, market places, we feel that need, therefore, any constraint or restrictions from connecting with one another, leaves us with a hollow feeling.
“No man can live happily who regards himself alone; who turns everything to his own advantage. You must live for others if you wish to live for yourself.” -SENECA
We can even put on our masks, to appear strong, independent, and behave with “I got it under control mentality.” Unfortunately, this strategy works against our real nature. Why? Because God made us relatable and connectable beings. We are meant to share life, to connect with people, friends, well-wishers, and strangers. Sociology calls us social animals. When we try to isolate ourselves from people, for whatever reason, it works against our social instincts because we are created as relational beings. That’s why we yearn to belong, to be loved, to be understood, to be recognized, and to be cared for. We are designed as humans for social, emotional, physical, and spiritual intimacy and if any part of these facets is in disarray, we can’t have a happy and emotionally healthy life regardless of how wealthy we are.
Lack of Trust
Every good relationship is glued with trust, even if it is not absolute trust, at least some degree of trust can’t be lacking. If it does, such a relationship cannot survive or be healthy and enjoyable as it ought to be. It will be impossible for anyone in any field of study to overestimate the importance of trust in relationships. Because it is a trust that provides the emotional fabric of the relationship. Relationships that are built on the trust foundation feel safe and secured than otherwise.
Of course, all of us crave for love consciously and unconsciously, it doesn’t matter your position in life. If you doubt me on this, ask President Trump. He will tell you, that he feels incomplete when he doesn’t feel admired, loved, praised, or adored by people. He feels more energized being in the midst of the adoring crowd, which makes the President feel better. Failing to give him a public thank you for any achievement or gestures, triggers a negative emotion from him. If you doubt me on this too, ask him how he felt when the father of one of the players he rescued from China’s prison refused to thank him. That’s my observation of him, correct me if I am wrong. But this is just an example to illustrate the importance of connections, and sharing our emotions with one another.
What I have also noticed is that oftentimes, those who crave for love and appreciation are not good lovers or appreciative themselves. Likewise, most people who demand trust from their partners, don’t work to be true to themselves first. Like Shakespeare said, “To thine own self- is to be true…”
It is like defrauding somebody when you ask someone to put his or her confidence in you when you know you’re not going to be dependable. And you know that you may betray the trust. Yes, relationships are quite complex issues at any level. Be it among countries, states, local, family, or personal levels. There is always going to be something that can go wrong. Building and maintaining good relationships require some inter-personal skills that we must be willing to learn.
Bringing Past Experience Into The Present
People avoid relationships because they have been disappointed, hurt, misunderstood, betrayed, and lied against in the past. Others refuse or don’t know how to return back the love and kindness shown to them. For this class of people, it is a lack of trust and self-centeredness. Some people in a relationship, behave like the dead sea, which only receives but doesn’t give out. The truth is man is selfish by default. But on the other hand, love is a sacrifice, it is about risking pains. It is like an investment, you never know what the returns will be unless you risk investing. To love the unlovable in some instances. Remember that is what an unconditional love of God is about.
Experiencing Pains, disappointments, regrets, heartbreaks are still part of a relationship, and it is an inevitable experience. Make no mistake about it, relationships hurts and heals, and that’s how paradoxical it is. This has been the story right from the beginning of human relationships and it will continue unless there is a change of mind and approach to life principles. To enjoy our relationships, we need to forgive ourselves for our past hurts, mistakes, betrayals, etc, and work to maintain the present peace.
Life can always show up with a surprise! Relationships can hurt or heal.. Let me shock you with this, do you know that even God was disappointed in his relationship with human beings? God lamented that He created man. Think about that for a moment. My advice to you and I is to approach every relationship with an open mind. No conditions attached. Do not place high expectations on another person, if not you will be in for a disappointment, mostly don’t expect another person to do what you cannot do or give to the relationship. For instance, if you want a relationship where trust is fundamental, you have to make yourself trustworthy, by being truthful, committed, caring, loving, and respectful.
Unforgiveness is one of the relationship killers.
If you want to enjoy your life, and be emotionally healthy, you have to learn to fortive any body of any offense against you. Wether the person deserve the forgiveness or not. Forgive for your own sake. Remember there so many hurting people all over. They can be found anywhere. Forive so that healing can be experienced. He that cannot forgive others breaks the bridge over which he must pass himself. Remember, it is being said that it is more rewarding to resolve a situation than to dissolve a relationship. Forgiveness prevents and preserves it’s very important to forgive. Relationships are needs that are unavoidable, therefore let us make them enjoyable and not toxic.